My pal and I were chilling out after a tuff week at the rockface the other night – couple of brews and a video of last year’s Formula One season. One thing struck us – these boys are a bunch of amateurs! Even on a bad day we could out-drive them with one hand tied behind our backs. Why? Because we have critical inside information, namely…

Grumpy’s Formula One Cribsheet

1: It’s better to nearly hit a wall than to nearly miss it.

2: Learn from the mistakes of others – you won’t live long enough to make them all yourself.

3: Try to keep the pointy end facing forward – it will keep everyone happy.

4: Your aerodynamic downforce does not work when you are going sideways or backwards.

5: You start your first race with a full bag of luck and an empty bag of experience. Try to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck.

6: If you pop into the pits with four wheels, make sure that you leave with four wheels.

7: Make sure that you always see the gearboxes of the other cars in front of you – if you see a front wing, you have a problem.

8: Don’t mess with inertia. Otherwise it will mess with you.

9: The correct order is: pitstop complete – mechanics stand clear – hit the gas! Don’t get the order wrong.

10: Treat your mechanics with respect – without them, you are nothing.

11: Ditto for your sponsors.

12: There are three things you can never have too much of … revs, downforce and the gap between you and the car behind you.

13: Stay away from private aircraft – experience has shown that racing drivers do not generally make good pilots.

14: Ditto for downhill skiing.

15: Remember, good judgement comes from experience. However, also remember that experience usually comes from bad judgement.

16: You may be fast, but you are not a hero! The real heroes are the guys who race motorcycles.

That’s it for now…

Remember to keep the revs up!!!

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